One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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