please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
