What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
