We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
