Moan for me like Helen Keller
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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