We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
