Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
