I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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