If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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