they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
