my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
