shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
