apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
