He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
