I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
