i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
