Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
