I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
