That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
