i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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