i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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