This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
