Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
