forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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