Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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