chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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