in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
