so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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