I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I love you.
Bad choice
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
