I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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