just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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