i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
