I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
