they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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