pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
