they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
