Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
