you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
