in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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