it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
