I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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