I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
