Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
