I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
50% drunk capacity currently
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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