and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
