He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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