Yo dont text me then not text me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
