I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
