Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
