You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
