If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
