ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
