just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
