u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
