Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
