I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
