im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
