Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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