It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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