You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
