i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
